Part 5: Paralysis of the Mind and Pathology of Consciousness

Besides the definition of low self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden, “A reputation we have acquired with ourselves,” here is what I would call it based on my own experience: “Low self-esteem a paralysis of the mind and a pathology of consciousness.” I believe to have low self-esteem is to be crippled mentally, to have our wings clipped and to be unable to fly close to the sun, to be unable to reach the fullness of who we were destined to be. We are paralyzed mentally because of how we think about ourselves. It is our thinking that is crippling us and causing us to self-sabotage. We perceive ourselves in a so-called negative light, we think in a crippling manner because of the trauma(s) we may have experienced. Trauma leaves the residue of self-defeat within us. It affects how we see ourselves. I will get back to trauma at some other stage.

Nevertheless, it is our thinking, the way we perceive ourselves, that is crippling us. How we perceive ourselves has a bearing on our reality and on how we approach life. Hence, approaching life with the right attitude is of paramount importance to life itself. Indeed, every battle I ever had to face always took place on the battlefield of my mind. A battle lost in the mind is lost anywhere else. Thus, when we approach life with a self-defeating attitude, wallowing in despair, dread and helplessness, defeat becomes our reality, our normal. We then are intellectually, psychologically, and spiritually dented from the start, and the battle is then lost before it has even begun.

The human condition has it that we will not exhaust ourselves with what we have deemed unattainable, we will not fight for what we think will defeat us. After all, why make the effort to fight for something we have already deemed lost? There are no other options, but to resign ourselves. This is true with our thinking as well. When we think our thinking is doomed to failure (the essence of low self-esteem), we will not think or do so consistently enough. If we see ourselves as feeble, powerless, and incompetent beings our actions will tend to corroborate our negatives and poor self-image thus setting up a vicious circle.

The way we appraise ourselves has acute ramifications and it will be reflected in the ambition of our thinking, and inevitably, we will become incarcerated and trapped by our negative self-image. This is called the pathology of consciousness by Burell and Morgan, which simply means that we become imprisoned within the bounds of the reality that we create and sustain. If my reality is that, “I am weak, and mediocre” my actions will only reflect that thinking. If my reality is that, “I am not good enough,” I'll act it out by talking myself out of every opportunity. If my reality is, “I am not lovable,” I will act it out by making myself unlovable, until my partner has no choice but to believe that I am, which will just confirm my initial perception. I will create and sustain that reality psyche turned inwards. This occurs below the level of consciousness as we do not appraise ourselves in a conscious and conceptual form.

As established above when we think negatively, it negatively affects our performances, because actions reflect our thinking. The visible and the tangible are only a reflection of the invisible and intangible, but it is possible sometimes to act out of character. We can behave contrary to our negative self-perception and self-concept. Indeed, it is possible with low self-esteem to sometimes act like we have high self-esteem, and it is possible when we are weak to sometimes act strong, but the key thing to note here is that, what is stopping us from breaking free from the hold and the pull of our thinking, is our acceptance of our state. Acceptance is a powerful force, and I believe who we are and who we are not, are defined by the beliefs we have accepted wittingly or unwittingly about ourselves. Having low self-esteem, and a negative self-concept is harmful once it is accepted as a final destination or a life sentence.

We resign ourselves to a less than ideal state, deficiencies and inadequacies by introducing distortion into our thinking and erecting a myriad of irrational defenses to protect ourselves from our limitations. This is concurred by Carl Rodgers who is of the view that, "Neurotic people have self-concepts that do not match their experiences. They are afraid to accept their own experiences as valid, so they distort them, either to protect themselves or to win approval from others."

This can be seen in our speeches which really betrays our minds because the mouth speaks of the overflow of what is inside us, so we will utter sentences such as “I am not enough,” or “I Can't Do it”. These phrases are examples of distortions of our thinking to enact defenses, mere attempts to justify and make excuses for our fragile self-esteem. They could be translated as: “I have accepted my limitations and by no means, do not expect anything from me because I am not good enough.” This is an attempt to self-preserve. This is how we protect ourselves from more hurts and disappointments, which will just reinforce the belief that we not good enough. If I put out there that I am not good enough and I fail, then I am sort of absolved from the responsibility of failing and the stigma associated with it.

Thus, to preserve ourselves from this negative, damning view of ourselves, from a view of ourselves that reality cannot sustain, we inevitably sever the cognitive link with reality. And because we have no actual contact with the reality we move from tragedy to tragedy, fearing to realize that the protection mechanism we have put into place is like a rope we are using to hang ourselves. Truly, the greatest source of our sufferings is the lies we tell ourselves.

The thinking in our minds can only be as pristine as our ability to maintain a cognitive contact with reality, that nothing will take preference or priority over the facts of reality. If we do not apprehend reality correctly, we will spend most of our time in a neurotic world of our own creation, which renders any attempt to live in the real world daunting and unbearable. We then inevitably feel helplessness, dread, and angst in the real world.

John 5

"3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. 4 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. 5 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” 7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

8 Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” 9 And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked."

Now the man we meet today is a man lying by the pool of Bethesda. For 38 years this man has made it a daily habit to go to the pool of Bethesda, which represents the pool of healing, yet, he made no attempts whatsoever to get that healing. For 38 years this man had the opportunity to break free from his pathology, yet he chose to do nothing. He chose to settle for comfort and solace amidst other sick people because misery loves company. Well, don’t we feel at home with the people that are as broken as we are?

See amidst all these other broken people, people with infirmity, he felt normal, he felt accepted, and he felt like he belonged. To be accepted for who we are, to be normal, is it not the verb that energizes us? We are social animals after all. Amongst others’ craziness, our own seem to fade. Amongst others lack of self-esteem, our own fades in comparison, and sometimes to determine our own brokenness is quite easy. It is by looking at the people around us, who we are drawn to, and who is drawn to us. To look at these people’s broken states, because sometimes the issues of the people we hang around might be a clear reflection of our own. Opposite attracts, but not when it comes to self-esteem. People with high self-esteem are attracted to high self-esteem, and people with low self-esteem with people of equal self-esteem.

For 38 years he did nothing to change his life because he had resigned himself to his state. In the beginning, he might have gone with the intent to gain healing, but over the course of time he resigned himself to his conditions and it became a life sentence. Again, what stops us from breaking free, from really changing is what we have accepted in our minds. We may be going through the motions. On the outside, it looks like we are going to Bethesda to obtain our healing, but inwardly the defeat has been conceded and accepted. It may also be that change takes courage, and it takes energy, to move out of a comfortable and familiar place.

It takes energy to live, to be out there, to have fun, to be happy. That’s why some of us do not put enough effort into living, because living takes strength. For some of us a day at school, at work can be so draining. It can take more out of us than the next person because it means being in a constant state of awareness. Being in a social environment means we must constantly be assessing the surroundings to rebuff the next abuse. Our reality is trying to make it through the day and avoiding the next abuse.